


Two Sides of a Coin

by versutiloquent



Category: SHINee
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-05 16:58:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/versutiloquent/pseuds/versutiloquent
Summary: Taemin takes a lot of lefts and rights while Kibum heads straight to the finish line.





	1. HEADS.

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted on Asianfanfics under the same pseudo name.

 

He sat down on this single-seater taupe couch a few minutes after 3:43 pm. 

Kibum reaches for his phone idly set on the table to check the time. The screen reads 5:28 pm.

He slouches back on the comfortable seat, a soft puff of air parting from lips. Sitting adjacent to him is an obviously nervous Taemin whose hands are busy holding his Java Chip Frappuccino Venti cup. Kibum doesn’t understand why he has to grasp the cup when it’s set on the table. His keen eyes skim down Taemin’s sitting frame for the umpteenth time since he joined the younger boy on the table and still, the arrhythmic tapping of his feet on the floor hasn’t stopped.  It’s been more than an hour and a half since he arrived at the café, and it’s been minutes after their last conversation died down. The previous conversations they either initiated suffered the same fate – dwindling into an exchange of awkward chuckles that eventually fade into thin air. Kibum doesn’t fancy silence, so when Taemin leans back on his own seat and his eyes drift to the side, Kibum breaks it. He’s eager to know what the boy’s thoughts hold.

“Hey,” Kibum begins. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

Kibum notices how his simple question made Taemin visibly tenser, the observation causing his scarred eyebrow to rise.  Taemin shakes his head in denial while his eyes wander from side to side before meeting Kibum’s own. Despite staring directly into the fidgeting male’s eyes, Kibum catches the boy’s hands curl against his thighs.

“Um, I’m not actually–”

“You’ve been fiddling with your fingers under the table since I got here and you’ve been tapping your feet on the floor nonstop.” Kibum says. “If lying is a game, know that you’re a sore loser, Taemin.”

The defeated look on Taemin’s visage induces a cocky grin to surface on Kibum’s mouth. Taemin nervously nibbles on his bottom lip as he darts his gaze on his half-empty cup. Silence ensues between them once more as Taemin struggles in finding the words to say. It makes Kibum’s grin stretch wider. Even if Taemin attempts to fabricate an excuse, he knows it’s futile. What he does is he chooses to abandon the idea but he remains silent. He just couldn’t figure out how to properly phrase his intention.

“I’ve told you _so many times_ that you can tell me anything, Taemin,” Kibum’s elbow rests on the armrest of the couch then rests his head against the knuckles of his curled hand. “ _Anything_.”

Moments pass and the silence still dwells between them, rendering Kibum’s persuasion useless. Kibum extends his ebbing patience, biting down on his tongue to silence himself for a few moments more while he anticipates hearing Taemin’s thoughts.

“Okay– so– um–” Taemin stammers and Kibum hums encouragingly, his cocky grin mollifying into a thin smile as Taemin finally looks at him.

“So there’s this movie I want to see this weekend and I um– I kind of checked the screening times and there’s gonna be one at um– around 1 pm and since you’re free this weekend anyway, I wanted to ask you if– if you’d come with me?”

A look of disbelief quickly washes over Kibum’s features after hearing Taemin out. His head straightens up, his arm heavily dropping against the armrest.

“It took you like, over an hour and a half to ask me,” Kibum lifts his momentarily idle hand to press his palm against his chest. “ _me_ , to go to the movies with you.”

 Kibum’s eyebrows furrow while he sits up from his lethargic position and to Taemin, his face is unreadable. Taemin flattens his palms on his thighs and lightly drums his fingers on his lap, an attempt to calm his tense nerves down.

“You do know you could just– you know–” Kibum’s shoulders slightly raise in a shrug. “–give me a call or like, text me, right? Because I seriously thought you were going to say something–”

“I was also wondering if,” Taemin’s tone climbs a pitch a higher than usual and it piques Kibum’s attention. “I was wondering if you’d want to spend the rest of the day with me? There’s this cool restaurant I keep seeing my friends post on Instagram lately and I wanna go there– with you– and then there’s–”

“Wait, wait– Just hold on a second.”

Taemin quickly traps his bottom lip between his teeth, heeding the other’s abrupt request. Kibum stares at him, his eyes narrowing into thin slits. He knows Taemin wants look away and he finds it amusing, but what’s even more amusing to him is that Taemin maintains the connection of their gazes.

“There’s something different with you.” Kibum points out, his lips scrunching briefly. “There’s something different with how you’re asking me and the tone of your voice…”

Just when Kibum thinks the tension on Taemin’s nerves wouldn’t exacerbate, his words make it so and it only heightens his suspicion. He could definitely notice the dark-haired boy unconsciously adapting a defensive stance. The blond male tilts his head and the corner of his mouth curls marginally, a slight change that is drastic to Taemin.

“Listen. Before you start getting funny ideas in your head, I just–” Taemin abruptly pauses, seemingly trying to weave his words inside his mind better, but still failing.

“We’re always doing the same things and going to the same places and like– we’re just stuck in this little box. Don’t you think it’s about time we abandon that? I mean, I could see us do things and– and I think it would be nice if we could, you know, step out of this box maybe? And maybe push our boundaries a little–”

As words tumble out of Taemin’s mouth, his gaze only lingers on Kibum for merely a couple of seconds. He loses the chance to witness the amused smile spreading across the listening male’s lips that he doesn’t bother to subdue.

“You know, Taemin,” Kibum interrupts Taemin’s flow of words and Taemin blinks as if escaping a trance. “I never saw you as the type to take the initiative in things like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“You can see us _do things_? You want to _step out of the box_ and push our _boundaries_?”

There’s a light shade of pink tainting Taemin’s fair cheeks after hearing the blond repeat the words he previously uttered. Kibum can’t help but raise his eyebrow at the sight, deeming it as the confirmation to his hunch. Taemin is too easy to read, Kibum thinks.

“Kibum–”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

Not a second after Kibum drops the question, Taemin’s eyes widen in sheer surprise, the faint pink staining the apple of his cheeks turning a darker shade and spreading all over his rosy visage. He can clearly see how utterly embarrassed the boy before him is drowning in embarrassment. Kibum thinks that there’s a possibility that he might be mistaken and that he patched all the different pieces completely, but Taemin himself makes him think otherwise.

“No!” He shakes his head vehemently in denial, but clearly Kibum isn’t convinced by it.

“What the– No!” Taemin repeats. “No! You got this all wrong. I’m not– I’m not asking you out on a date!”

The teasing grin plastered on Kibum’s face irks the raven-haired boy and it just drives the blond to tease him further. He lightly shakes his head at Taemin, his arms folding across his chest while the blushing boy’s frown deepens. This is his first time to ever witness Taemin be this red. It boosts his ego in a way.

“It’s _not_ a date. It’s just an– It’s an upgraded hang out.”

It takes the startling sound of utensils clattering onto the floor for Kibum’s laughter to dissolve, both him and Taemin instantly shifting on their seats to turn their attention towards the counter. The crew flashes them awkward smiles to assure things are under their control, urging them to settle on their couches once more. As they look at each other again, the blond tries to wipe his smirk away by pressing his mouth into a thin line but he doesn’t succeed and Taemin doesn’t appreciate his efforts either. Taemin rolls his eyes at Kibum, his hand reaching for his blended coffee and his thick lips enveloping the stiff straw.

“I just want to spend more time with you. We’re just going to hang out,” Taemin mumbles against his straw. “so we could– um, get closer and get to know each other even more or something.”

Making someone blush is nothing out of the ordinary for Kibum, but this time is entirely different. It’s Taemin who’s blushing, a friend where his vision always wanders to though he gazes at another.

 

 

 

It’s past midnight.

At this late hour on a Friday night, a bowl of instant ramen and the movie Cloverfield 51 is keeping him up. His laptop perched on one of his fluffy pillows is the only source of light illuminating his room and his blankets drape over his shoulder, abundantly providing the warmth he needs during the surprisingly cold night. He’s completely engrossed in the movie although he has seen it countless of times. Not a single drop of drowsiness weighs his lids down.

Taemin finishes his ramen halfway through the movie. With his taste buds seeking more of the ramen’s taste and his stomach craving for more, he leaves the movie on pause to head to the kitchen to satisfy both. Preparations are quick. In a few minutes, he’s leaning against the refrigerator and staring at the small boiling pot waiting for his ramen to cook. His thoughts begin to wander aimlessly when he feels his phone vibrate within his pocket. The startled boy jerks a tad bit in surprise, returning to his senses before retrieving his phone from his pocket.

It’s Kibum calling him at 12:49 am. There’s nothing surprising in that.

Feigning a cold tone in his voice, he takes the call. “It’s like 1 am. I’m already asleep.”

 _“Bet you were snoring and drooling too.”_ Taemin snorts at that. _“Are you free tomorrow night?”_

“Let’s see…” Taemin turns to his side and leans against the refrigerator. His full lips press together as he hums softly, the corner lifting into a little smile.

“At 7 pm, I’ll start stuffing myself with pizza and I’ll be getting drunk on Coke while I watch dramas and cry my eyes out for hours. Then at midnight, I’ll lie down on my bed, stare at my ceiling and think about all my sorrows in life and wallow in self-pity. I don’t know how long that will be. So, I’m fully booked.”

 _“Ha, ha, ha. Really cool.”_ The boy clad in his pajamas suppresses a chuckle at Kibum’s dry laugh and stares down at his bare feet.

_“My favorite indie band’s performing at The City Bar tomorrow and–”_

“Quaint?”

 _“Aw, you pay attention when I blabber about music and shit. Anyway, as I was saying,”_ Another hum leaves Taemin’s lips. _“They’re performing at The City Bar tomorrow for this Valentine’s season event that’s gonna start at 8pm. Here’s the catch. If you go as a couple, both of you will get a 20% discount on the entrance fee and then you get a free drink each so–“_

“Wait,” Taemin straightens up all of a sudden, his heart beginning to drum within his chest. “So, you want me to go with you?”

_“Mhm! We’d look really cute while wearing couple shirts.”_

“Couple shirts?” Taemin frowns in disbelief, then he steps away from the refrigerator.

_“Yep, you heard me right! So we would look convincing. The sappier, the better.”_

“Kibum, we’re _not_ even a couple.”

 _”We could be.”_ Taemin scoffs at that. _“And you know what? We should be.”_

His teeth sinks onto his bottom lip hard and he tilts his head up. Kibum’s words induce warmth to spread along his cheeks, a roseate shade dusting on his skin. He thinks of how he could divert their conversation to anything else that relates to the event, deliberately avoiding the path that their conversation is bound to take if it continues.

“Is– Is Jonghyun not free tomorrow? What about Minho?”

He hears Kibum release an exasperated sigh. _“I don’t know. I didn’t bother asking them because it’s you I wanna go with.”_

“Oh…” Taemin couldn’t think of anything else to say.

_“It’s gonna be my first time seeing them perform live so I thought, why not see my favorite band with my favorite person, you know?”_

Taemin begins to pace around the kitchen without realizing that he brought silence between them. Kibum calling him his favorite person echoes in his mind, and he holds the phone away from him so he can take a couple of breaths to set his thoughts straight and calm his racing heart. The blond on the other line speaks once more, most likely concerned about him falling silent all of sudden, and the sound of Kibum’s muffled words prompts him to hold the phone against his ear once more.

_“–you go? Did you fall asleep or something? Hello?”_

“Am I really your favorite person?”

The question afloat in Taemin’s mind slips off of his tongue all of a sudden. His eyes bulge widely once realization dawns upon him and his hand simultaneously covers his mouth to stifle a profanity. He curses at himself further in his thoughts in utter disbelief, scolding himself for allowing such to happen.  Embarrassment becomes apparent on his visage, his cheeks becoming stained with a roseate color.

_“Are you asking me that just so you’d hear me say it again?”_

“I didn’t say anything. Shut it.”

 _“Sure. Whatever you say,”_ Taemin emits a soft sigh in relief. _“my favorite person.”_

“Can you like, shut up?” He masks his embarrassment with an irked tone. “And actually, you’re being a total disturbance right now because I’m _busy_ cooking ra– Holy shit, my ramen!”

He doesn’t know how long he’s been conversing with Kibum on the phone and at this point, he’s in too much of a panic to make an approximation. With frantic feet, Taemin rushes towards the stove and the strong burning smell of ramen and smoke that greet him make him grimace. He cusses under his breath, his hurried fingers turning the stove off. Kibum’s loud laughter blares through the phone and it just irks Taemin even more.

“Stop fucking laughing. This is your fault.”

_“How was it even my fault?”_

“Whatever. I’ll just– I’ll call you back or something. I need to fix this. I gotta go.”

_“Wait, Taem–”_

Kibum didn’t get the chance to finish as Taemin’s abruptly ends the call. An evident scowl appears on his features as he slips his phone back into his pocket. The irked boy mumbles unceasingly, uttering one profanity after another, while his agitated hands work to dispose the burnt ramen into the trash. Regret replaces his vexation, a long sigh falling from his mouth as he glances at the trash bin. He spontaneously creates a plan B instead, opening his cupboard to grabbing a large bag of potato chips before retreating to his room.

Once he’s settled on his bed and the blankets hang on his shoulders to warm his figure, Taemin pulls his phone out of his pocket. As he’s about to set his phone on his bedside table, he remembers his call with Kibum and he’s reminded that he needs to return Kibum’s call. Quickly, he unlocks his phone to check the time and learns that it’s a quarter to 2 am now. It’s already so late so he dismisses the idea of calling Kibum back. Kibum might have fallen asleep already and he didn’t wish to disturb him, if ever. A notification catches his attention and he smiles at the sight. Kibum has already left him a message.

_Just so you know, I wasn’t asking you to go with me. I was informing you that you’ll be going with me. I’ll pick you up at 4pm? We still gotta look for couple shirts, honey. ;)_

After reading the message, Taemin rolls his eyes in disbelief. Kibum is really cocky sometimes, he tells himself. A loud puff of breath egresses him lips before he constructs his reply, erasing and rephrasing his short response a few times. He groans exasperatedly at how he’s complicating such a simple thing. He types one last time, and hits send.

_Fine. See you._

Barely a minute passes and Taemin’s typing another message for Kibum.

_Also, you’re such an ass._

It hasn’t been long since Taemin sent the message yet his phone vibrates on his hand, and he assumes Kibum replied. He did.

_A hot ass. ;) See you tomorrow!!_

Taemin only shakes his head after reading Kibum’s ridiculous response. A moment after that, he leans onto his side to place his phone on the bedside table. His deft fingers reach for the neglected bag of chips and tear it open, his gaze settling on the screen as he does so. Tossing a single chip into his mouth, his other hand hovers over the spacebar, ready to resume watching the movie.

But he doesn’t. Taemin doesn’t hit play. A soft smile forms on his face while he absentmindedly drags his fingertip along the surface of the spacebar key, his conversation with Kibum over the phone call surfacing in his mind once again. Kibum called him his favorite person. It sounds dulcet to his ears, and the radiant smile stretching on his lips surpasses that of his laptop screen. He really wasn’t going to turn down the invitation anyway, and besides, he agrees with Kibum. They would look cute wearing couple shirts together.

 

 

 

_Wanna see City Orbis with me today?_

Kibum woke up to a message from Taemin. He’s heard about City Orbis a few times before and all that he knows about the place is that it’s a tourist attraction constructed in another city. The said place of leisure is rapidly gaining attention. He assumes it might have spurred Taemin’s interest in the place. Kibum typed a ‘yes’ right after reading the message. Hesitation absolutely had no place in his thoughts. He springs out of his bed, leaving the sheets and blankets disheveled. Excitement grows within him and the thought of spending time with the other boy brings a smile onto his face that rivals the sun.

Taemin refused Kibum’s offers of taking his car and insisted that they opt for riding a cab instead. It would lessen the excitement and dull their adventurous spirits, the sprightly boy said. He had no choice but to let the boy have his way but in the end, he’s convinced he made the right choice. The sparkle in the boy’s dark brown orbs affirmed it.

During the cab ride, Kibum learns about their destination. Taemin’s excitement exuded as he vivaciously shared to him everything he knows about City Orbis. Apparently, it’s a vast recreational park that offers a cultural and gustatory experience from the different parts of the world. Taemin enumerated all the activities he wants to do and restaurants and food stalls he wants to visit while he listened attentively. Taemin speaking with so much enthusiasm was infectious. It made Kibum’s excitement rise.

Several activities and a lot of food stalls and restaurants after, Taemin’s vivacity does not decrease. He’s still as animated as he was when they arrived while Kibum’s gaze lingers on every vacant bench that they pass by.

“Wait Taemin, stop for a second!”

Kibum calls out to Taemin. He’s sure the boy heard him yet he takes longer strides and purposely leaves Kibum behind. It elicits a loud groan from Kibum, a scowl etching on his forehead before he stomps towards Taemin. He manages to catch up with the rushing boy and he grabs the still excited boy’s arm, successfully halting his footsteps.

“You’re walking way too fast. Are you that excited to go to that ramen house?”

The boy turns around to face Kibum then he teasingly sticks his tongue out at him. “I’m not fast. You’re too slow. And yes. Yes, I am.”

Kibum huffs at Taemin’s remark. He resumes walking as he takes a step forward and Taemin does too, but now he stays beside the frowning man. “Don’t frown. You’ll get wrinkles early.”

“Aw, you care.”

It’s Taemin turn to huff. “What are you talking about?”

The scowl has left Kibum’s features. Instead, his visage manifests a pleasant smile, his fingers lightly tapping his cheek. “You care about me keeping my youthful look. I appreciate your concern about my good-looking face a lot.”

Taemin feigns to retch, a hand of his resting against his stomach. “Fuck, I think I need to go.”

“You find me attractive. Don’t lie.”

“Bye, Kibum! See you at the ramen house!” Taemin flashes a vibrant grin at him and waves at Kibum before jogging away.

Kibum merely laughs while he slips his hands into his pockets. He says nothing more and walks at his usual pace, letting Taemin get ahead of him. Their distance doesn’t stay far for long, for Taemin ceases his footsteps. He doesn’t turn around but he starts tapping his foot impatiently, the sight making Kibum chuckle under his breath.

“You keep leaving me behind.” Kibum says once he’s by Taemin’s side. “You know, I actually have a solution for this.”

“The solution is to walk faster and keep up with my energy.” Taemin pats Kibum’s shoulder lightly, a vibrant grin on his visage.

Kibum shakes his head in return. Taemin notices the sly glint in Kibum’s eyes and it makes eyebrow rise.  “Wrong. It’s something else.”

“Really now? So what is it?”

As a smile forms on Kibum’s lip, his gaze averts from the boy. He catches a glimpse of the other’s perplexed expression, but he utters nothing. The blond’s gaze lands on Taemin’s idle hands and without any mark of reluctance, he slowly grasps it and intertwines their fingers. His smile immensely brightens, his long yearning finally appeased. As he gives the dainty hand in his hold a squeeze, his smile stretches even more because Taemin doesn’t pull away.

“Perfect solution.” His gaze returns to Taemin’s visage, and he’s quick to see the light blush on Taemin’s cheeks. “And a perfect fit too.”

His words make Taemin blush even more and roll his eyes, but Kibum only looks at him with a blissful smile. Their gazes lock and he basks in every seconds of it, as Taemin’s eyes never cease to take his breath away. He trusts his instincts by allowing his heart to govern him, lifting Taemin’s hand to his lips and softly pressing a kiss against the back of it. He notices how Taemin’s gaze shifts to his hand and how he adorably nibbles on his bottom lip. To him, it’s such an endearing sight.

“Hey.” Kibum is first to end the silence.

“Yeah?”

“There’s something that I want to do. Right now.”

“N-Now?” Taemin asks in confusion. “But we’re supposed to go to–”

Words get caught in Taemin’s throat when Kibum begins to lean towards him, his dormant hand cradling the side of the boy’s lovely face. He allowed his heart to lead him and this is what his heart urges him to do. His gaze falls on the boy’s rosy lips and the blond’s heart begins to race, because if this boy turns away, it changes everything. It will put an end to something he desires to effloresce. As their proximity increases, so does his fear of the impending consequences, but he stretches his courage as he looks into Taemin’s eyes. The pair is as mesmerizing as always and reflecting that like him, the boy is utterly nervous.

“Is this okay?” His voice is soft, the words only meant for the boy to hear. “Because if–”

“I guess so.”

The boy’s reply is timid, but quick. Taemin glances at his bow-shaped lips and that flares Kibum’s courage, becoming the source of his needed encouragement. Distance becomes nonexistent once Kibum finally captures Taemin’s waiting pair in a kiss, a kiss so plain yet inducing resplendent fireworks to appear behind his lids. The other’s lips are akin to petals, delicate and soft. Once again, he’s become breathless. To have the boy’s lips against his own is more than enough for Kibum, but he feels the boy reciprocate and he exalts the skies. It’s a light press, but it sends Kibum’s enamored butterflies in a frenzy.

No matter how much he desires to dwell in the moment, he doesn’t. Kibum parts from the kiss, but maintains the proximity of their face. As their eyes flutter open and their gazes meet, Kibum greets him with an elated smile. He can’t believe he’s staring into Taemin’s eyes so closely.

“You just held my hand for the first time and not even five minutes later you– you already kissed me.” Taemin speaks so softly and Kibum’s has found a new sound that he’ll long to hear every day. “You move fast.”

“I don’t.” Kibum’s gentle thumb strokes Taemin’s smooth cheek. “Like you said earlier, I’m too slow.”

“How is that even slow?”

His eyes briefly flutter shut as his forehead rests against Taemin’s. The boy lets it happen. “If I were fast, it wouldn’t have taken me this long to do this. I’ve always… _always_ wanted to hold your hand and kiss you.”

Silence is Taemin’s response to Kibum’s confession, but Kibum doesn’t mind. It’s a pleasant silence, a brand of silence he wishes to revel in more in the future. Kibum has so much to say. At this moment, he deems his eyes as a better speaker than his mouth. There’s so much he wants to tell the other boy but he decides it’s not the right time for it. It might be too soon. The glimmer in his eyes is the gist of all the words that he still couldn’t say and Kibum prays to every star in the humble skies that Taemin knows how to read.

 

 

 

It hasn’t been that long since the party reached its peak but Taemin already had a little too much to drink.

Luck didn’t side with Taemin tonight during all of their drinking games. Kibum had offered to take some of his shots because he knew Taemin has a low alcohol tolerance, but Taemin refused every single time. He didn’t want their friends to poke fun at him for being such a weak drinker, even though that’s what he truly is, so he downed one after another. He couldn’t remember how many shots he had and what other alcoholic concoctions he drank before and during the game, so now he regrets not keeping track.

Loud noises of merriment amalgamating with the heavy music beats enliven the night on the beach. All their friends and strangers are still up on their feet, partying the night away. He distanced himself from the party by sitting alone on a large log and cradling his head with his hands. Kibum found him and asked him if he wanted to retire for the night. He did, but he said the opposite. For some reason, Kibum reads through him and if it weren’t for Kibum threatening to carry him over his shoulders just so he can bring him back to their shared room, Taemin would have kept being stubborn.

It’s been a while since he took a shower. His hair is completely dry, but he still refuses to sleep. His body’s yearning for sleep grows but he continues to delay his rest. He abandons lying down, sitting upright and placing his pillows on his lap to prove his point. It makes Kibum release an exasperated groan and utter a tight ‘fine’ before doing the same and sitting next to him.  The stubborn male folds his arms against his chest, his gaze settling on the man next to him whose head rests against the headboard and eyes are closed.

“If you’re tired, then sleep. You don’t have to stay up with me.”

“I know,” Kibum says then flutters his eyes open and meets Taemin’s gaze. “but I want to.”

Taemin just breathes out a sigh and leans against the headboard, his vision harboring a sudden interest on the bamboo paneling on their wall. While his eyes bask in the intricate patterns of the bamboo, his thoughts begin to meander until they drift to the night’s previous events. Flashes of images during the night party enter his thoughts, a few of the night’s events replaying in his mind. Amidst his thoughts, a few questions arise, and he absentmindedly utters one of them.

“Did you have fun tonight?”

“I did.” Kibum’s quick response surprises him. “The twins sure know how to throw a party. You?”

“Yeah.” He nods his head though he’s not facing Kibum. “The games were the highlight." 

“Yeah, I’d have to agree,” A chuckle interrupts Kibum’s words. “but those two dudes stripping on top of the tables deserve an honorable mention.”

Taemin just hums, his gaze wandering around the dimly lit cabin room while he holds one of the pillows on his lap in a loose embrace. There’s silence budding between them, the distant echoes from the party the only sound he hears besides his breathing. He wonders if Kibum has fallen asleep, but before he could check on him, the other suddenly speaks.

“Why didn’t you ask that one guy’s number? You could have avoided downing five shots.”

“That was a dumb dare.” A frown briefly settles on his visage.

“All the dares were dumb, Taemin.” He feels Kibum shift beside him. His gaze remains fixated on the ceiling.

“How was that one dare though? That one when a random girl from another group kissed you?” The question that perturbed his head during the party until this moment escapes the confines of Taemin’s thoughts. At times like this, Taemin would have turned red in embarrassment. Tonight, he doesn’t.

“Oh, that? Uh,” Kibum releases a deep breath before resuming his words. “It was just a casual thing and something just for fun so… I don’t really have much to say about it. It was alright, I guess?”

“Just alright? That was kind of intense to me.” Taemin muses.

“Well– Everyone was watching us so I thought, why not at least put on a show?”

“Ah, I see.” Taemin replies simply.

Kibum utters no response at that and yet again, there’s room for silence between them. But before even silence could begin settling in, Taemin hinders it.

“There’s something I’ve wanted to ask you all night though.”

“What is it?”

The rhythm of Taemin’s heartbeat begins to increase when the words he’s about to say blares in his mind. For him to express such a thought is unusual, but he feels a surge of audacity fill his chest. He cannot fathom what induced it. Perhaps, there’s something peculiar in the night. It could be his still inebriated system. Whatever it is, Taemin embraces it and strays from modesty. He turns to face Kibum, curiosity visibly painted all over the male’s features.

“Would you kiss me like that?”

The bold question renders Kibum dumbfounded, surprise apparent in his widened orbs. The pillows fall from his lap as he veers his frame entirely towards Kibum. He leans closer to the speechless man, his audacious hand cupping Kibum’s cheek.

“Would you,” Taemin’s voice is low and soft, the distance between them gradually diminishing while Taemin speaks. “kiss me like that now?”

“Taemin– ” Kibum is nervous and Taemin senses it. The obvious gulp Kibum does confirms it. “Taemin– I think you’re still–”

“I’ve been thinking about what it’s like.” The elder’s face is barely a couple of inches away from his, and he could feel the man’s shaky release of breath fan against his skin.

“I want to know what it’s like, Kibum.” He whispers against the other’s lips, his thick pair brushing against the other’s soft ones. “I want you to kiss me like that.”

The night’s gelid air becomes thick with tension. Taemin could hear the loud hammering of his heart against his chest in his ears. They stare into each other’s eyes. Taemin assumes Kibum is waiting for him to make a move. Kibum parts his lips as if about to say something and it quakes Taemin’s courage, so before it wavers further, Taemin flutters his eyes shut and claims Kibum’s lips for himself.

Taemin expected Kibum to pull away and tell him to stop, but upon the meeting of their lips, Kibum responds with equal fervor. The shared kiss turns heated in a matter of moments, desire flaring within Taemin as he molds his lips with the other’s pair. He feels that Kibum is the same. The way he angles his head to deepen their kiss says so, and it drives Taemin to take a step further.

He assumes Kibum shares the same thought when the man’s slick tongue swipes along his bottom lip then prods the small gap between the plump tiers. It’s a hint Taemin immediately understands. He doesn’t only welcome Kibum’s entry into his mouth, but his eager tongue also coaxes the other’s experienced one in. Their tongues entwine and it spikes his desire, the pleasurable sensation making Taemin moan softly. At first, he’s uncertain if he felt Kibum pull him closer, but Kibum does it for the second time. There was no need for words to convey that their heated proximity no longer suffices for the both of them.

Taemin allows his instincts to lead him. Their mouths never part as he straddles Kibum’s frame, two hands guiding him to settle on the elder’s lap. Arms encircle around Taemin’s middle and Kibum holds his figure flush against his own. Clothes may hamper the meeting of their skin but Kibum’s warmth permeates through the fabric and it makes Taemin hazy. The younger’s arms find their way around Kibum’s neck, holding onto him while he savors Kibum’s taste.

He wants to keep their lips joined but Kibum clearly has something else in mind when he draws his pair away from Taemin. Already craving the other’s hot mouth, the eager boy leans towards Kibum, but fails to reclaim the pair as they have landed on his jawline. He allows the man beneath him to do as he pleases and soon enough, feverish kisses cover his skin. The flames Kibum’s mouth leaves after every hot kiss do not wane. Rows of teeth sink onto his skin while wandering hands journey down the curve of his buttocks. It evokes Taemin to moan, but he stifles it.

As the large hands groping his round globes begin to knead his flesh, Taemin ensnares his lower lip between his pearly whites to suppress another wanton sound. The thin cloth of Kibum’s boxers can no longer conceal Kibum’s arousal and he feels it, the evident bulge pressing between his rear. With their current proximity, he knows the other could feel his growing erection too, and it only excites him further. It pleases him to know that he can make Kibum feel exactly how he makes him feel.

In the back of his head, Taemin still wonders how he managed to muster the courage to do what he did. He still hears a quiet voice telling him that it’s wrong and he has gone too far. But when Kibum squeezes his perky globes and grazes his teeth on a sensitive area on his neck, he dispels all of those thoughts. A soft moan freely passes through his lips, his desire prevailing over the remaining rational part of his mind.

His dainty digits curl against soft locks and Taemin cranes his head backward as Kibum leaves a trail of wet kisses down his throat. With Kibum doing wonders to him with just his mouth, Taemin seeks to return the favor. He returns it by tentatively rolling his hips, his inexperience surfacing as he does so, but he hears Kibum’s breath hitch at the contact and it spurs him to repeat the action. Kibum guides his hips and he follows, moving hips once more against Kibum. The contact makes them both gasp in unison, the friction pleasuring them both.

“God, Taemin.” Kibum voice is deep, thick with lust, and it sends a shiver down Taemin’s spine.

Taemin pulls on Kibum’s hair, tilting the other’s head up as he lowers his down, reuniting their mouths in a needy kiss. He relies on his instinct with each roll of his hips, gauging what feels more pleasurable then replicating it if it does. A firm grope on his rear paired with Kibum thrusting his hips upward makes Taemin break the kiss, allowing a lewd moan to escape his throat. Another synchronized grinding of their hips draws a low groan from Kibum and it’s a sound like no other to Taemin’s ears.

Kibum whispers lowly against his mouth. “You’re driving me insane.”

He only kisses Kibum in response, gyrating his hips at a steady rhythm that they both set. His entirety is ablaze. He desires Kibum, and he desires to bring him to completion.

Just like how quick the fire arose between them, it only takes a second to extinguish the fire. The sound of a nearby door slamming shut startles them both, especially Taemin. In a matter of seconds, he realizes what he had done. It dawns on him how he severely complicated things between him and Kibum by letting himself get carried away. His gaze abandons Kibum and hastily, he moves away from him.

“Taemin…”

“I– I’m sorry, Kibum. I’m sorry.” He couldn’t bear to look at Kibum.

“Taemin– Taemin, you don’t have to–”

“I didn’t mean to– I got lost in the moment and– and I wasn’t thinking straight–” Taemin threads his fingers through his hair in distress, his eyes purposely settled on the floor as he takes a few steps back.

“Please–”

He lifts his gaze up and makes a mistake by meeting Kibum’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Kibum. I– I think I should go.”

At the moment he shuts the door, Taemin dashes off. He runs along the hallway and bumps against a tipsy woman, the slurred insults she throws at Taemin dissipating into the night. He leaves the porch, his pace slowing down once his bare feet reacquaint with fine sand. Aimlessly, he walks under the night sky. He seeks fresh air, because even if the sea’s gentle night breeze envelops his frame, he still feels as if he’s being suffocated. He continues to trudge on the sand, tears gathering on his eyes and obscuring his vision.

Taemin finds himself by the seashore. The tame waves meeting the sand and the faint blow of the wind are comforting sounds complimenting the night’s silence. As comforting as they are, they fail to provide Taemin that. He sinks onto the sandy ground and his frame curls up, his arms embracing his folded knees. When the small waves rush towards the shore, his tears rush down his cheeks. Kibum’s warmth lingers on his skin. He can still feel his touch. You do get yourself burned when you play with fire, he tells himself. Through a broken sob, Taemin pleads to the cold wind to replace it all with its chill.

He rests his cheek against his knee, the tears from his eyes coalescing into streams as they fall on the side of his face. He thinks of Kibum. He wonders if he’s also crying alone in their room. His eyelids flutter shut as the mere thought of it draws a new batch of tears to roll down his cheeks. The look on Kibum’s eyes is what he sees in complete darkness, the image he wants to forget becoming more lucid with his eyes closed. It pained him greatly to see pain in Kibum’s eyes.

The last thing he wanted to do is hurt Kibum, but it’s what he’d done tonight. It’s what he’s been doing all this time. He wishes he hasn’t seen the pain in Kibum’s eyes before he left him. It affirmed everything that he was trying to avoid for the longest time. Kibum is offering his heart to him and never did he reach for it once. As Taemin lifts his head up to gaze at the vast sea, the waves crashing onto the shore is not what he hears. He hears his heart call for Kibum, and it frightens him immensely.

 

 


	2. TAILS.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taemin takes a lot of lefts and rights while Kibum heads straight to the finish line.

 

For the entire day, nothing went as planned but everything still went impeccably well and the happiness he feels is just so surreal.

During the morning, Taemin’s adventurous spirit made a comeback. He suggested that they visit an art museum which announced that the entrance fee will be free for the weekend. Though he’s far from being an art enthusiast, Kibum found great joy in visiting museums so he agreed instantaneously. Taemin’s little adventurous twist was that they shall go there by foot and rely on their smartphones for directions. Kibum voiced out his hesitance in the beginning but he eventually agreed to it anyway, his decision bringing a vibrant grin on Taemin’s visage.

The journey was surprisingly amazing. Both of them didn’t get lost. They managed to see parts of the city that they have never explored before and they marked particular places on the map that piqued their interest.  During the entire duration of their journey, his hand was interlaced with Taemin’s smaller one and it made his chest swell with pride. He didn’t mind all sorts of furtive and conspicuous glances that they received from strangers, as he only met their gazes with a proud smile. But upon arriving at the art museum, their excited smiles faded into dull lines. Not only did Taemin get the wrong information—the entrance fee is scheduled to be free on the weekends in the next three weeks—but also the art museum was closed for the day.

After passing by several restaurants, a French restaurant was where they filled their famished stomachs. Fits of laughter left their mouths after both of them pathetically attempted to pronounce the dishes listed on the menu and they ended up randomly choosing a dish for the each of them. Taemin was so excited to taste his dish, but when he took a little taste, the animated grin on his face changed into a look of sheer regret and dread in a span of a second. It had Kibum laughing, but not until he took a taste of his own and he found himself mirroring Taemin’s expression.

Heading back home was a leisure walk. Kibum basked in how he and Taemin contrasted the bustling streets. They enjoyed eating ice cream cones which Kibum paid for, and it took Taemin a lot of convincing before he hid his wallet back into his pocket to let Kibum pay for him. While he sought for the sunset, Taemin was first to notice that the skies looked a bit glum. Soon enough, rain poured and everyone besides them took cover under their umbrellas. Holding Taemin’s hand, Kibum ran to seek shelter from the sudden rain. Taemin was laughing while they were running and Kibum’s smile did not falter. The boy resembled a resplendent sunset amidst the pouring rain.

It’s forty minutes past ten and he’s at Taemin’s apartment, clad in a loose shirt and sweatpants he borrowed from the boy. Kibum didn’t want to leave the apartment just yet and Taemin didn’t mind him staying in his place longer. They ended up sitting on the floor with three boxes of pizza stacked in front of them, bottles of soda and tubs of ice cream stored in the fridge and waiting to be consumed. They’re already on their third movie for the night when Kibum recalled how splendid their entire day was.

Their day was full of pleasant surprises, so it baffles him how they reached this moment.

He’s trying to remember what happened in the past few minutes. Kibum is asking himself what might have initiated the tension in the atmosphere that thickens at every passing minute. Perhaps it was him who sparked it, he thinks. At one point, they were having their usual banters but connecting that to the tense silence between them is too unlikely. His jokes might have stepped over the line, but he couldn’t figure which one it could have been. After all, he hides everything under frivolous jests and blissful facades. If it’s truly him that lead their night to this point, then he deserve a congratulatory pat on the back for kindling what he’s been trying to avoid the most.

“Kibum, aren’t you… aren’t you getting tired?”

Tired. The word resounds in Kibum’s mind and it draws a chuckle from his lips. The sound is bitter and deep, followed by a light shake of his head while his gaze falls onto his lap.

“You know what’s funny? I keep asking myself the same thing."

At this point, the movie is forgotten. The sounds from the speakers sound like distant noises to him and the ongoing scenes on the wide flat screen have lost their ability to capture his attention. Taemin’s question to him is nothing new, but it never crossed his mind that hearing the question from Taemin would be this painful.

“It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic,” Kibum leans his head back against the couch, his lips curled into a small feigned smile. “I’ve actually told myself so many times that I’m just— you know, tired and I want to give it up.”

“You don’t have to keep doing this.”

Taemin’s voice takes a softer tone, and it frustrates Kibum. It gives him the impression that Taemin holds a lot within him and he refuses to express what he wishes to express. He could feel the warmth gathering in his eyes. Kibum stretches his lips into an incredulous grin and he stares at the ceiling. The words that perturb his mind are sauntering on Taemin’s tongue. He asks himself if Taemin managed to take a peek into the door of his thoughts.

“You’re just voicing out the words inside my head, Taemin. It’s kind of creepy.” He attempts to make a joke but he knows it’s futile. As he lifts and turns his head to face the boy next to him, he realizes that there’s absolutely no way to lighten the atmosphere.

“I really… don’t want to hurt you, Kibum.” Taemin meets his gaze. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Really?” His response is sharp and quick. Kibum notices the way Taemin’s eyes widen. “Because if you really didn’t want to then you would have pushed me away.”

“Kibum—”

“Wait. You _do_ push me away,” Kibum says. “but the thing is you pull me back. You keep pulling me back to you.”

“Or maybe it’s just me thinking like that? Maybe you _are_ pushing me away and I’m just too stubborn and fucking delusional to turn around and leave.”

A smile forms onto Kibum’s mouth and there’s no hint of bliss in it. It’s feigned, pained, and a disguise that conceals how his heart sinks deeper into his chest as his suppressed thoughts flow into spoken words like a raging current.

“Kibum, I don’t want you to leave.” Taemin’s voice returns and his softly spoken words are strong jabs to Kibum’s chest.

He buries his face in his palms as his emotions fall into chaos. A little bit of everything pounds against his chest and he tries to mollify the chaos by taking deep breaths, but it does nothing. He reaches for his hair, his long digits threading through his dark brown locks before he grasps handfuls of them.

“You don’t want me to leave.” Kibum reiterates Taemin’s words to himself. The words would have made his heart leap to the heavens, but not at this time. He’s in utter disbelief.

“Why?” Kibum’s question hangs in the air, but as Taemin parts his mouth to respond, Kibum robs his of that opportunity.

“Are you going to say you want me to stay as your friend? Is that it?” Taemin bites him bottom lip and Kibum scoffs lightly at the sight.

“Taemin, I don’t just want to be your friend. I can’t— I can’t settle for that anymore. You know how I feel.”

There’s not a trace of the grin that previously settled on Kibum’s mouth after his brief pause. “You know exactly how I feel about you.”

Taemin withdraws his gaze from him. The series of dialogues from the still running movie fill the air, words that are not what he longs to hear. He could see Taemin’s fingers slightly fidget with the hem of his gray shirt and he just wishes that he could hold his hand right now. Kibum has a lot to say, but he’d rather hear a paragraph from a chapter of Taemin’s thoughts than release a novel of his words.

“I do know. I do know how you feel about me.” Taemin momentarily sinks his teeth onto his bottom lip, and Kibum cannot figure out if it’s to merely pause or if he’s suppress something.

“How can I not when you express it so freely? You— You say it in everything you do and I just— I still can’t do the same.”

Silence between then returns, but Kibum allays the lingering tension in the air. He reaches for Taemin’s fidgeting hand and a small smile curls upon his lips because the boy lets him. With a gentle touch, he brushes his thumb against the row of knuckles beneath it, relishing in how delicate and soft Taemin’s hand feels like in his hold. He hears Taemin sniffle and it spikes his worry, his dormant hand capturing Taemin’s chin.

“Baby, look at me.” The endearment slides off Kibum’s tongue and he surprises himself by it, but before he could take it back, Taemin slowly lifts his head up. Kibum meets puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

Brushing his light thumb and the back of his fingers along Taemin’s cheeks, he wipes all of his tears away. The sight pains Kibum, and though he wants to pull the boy into a comforting embrace, he doesn’t. He decides that it’s better to settle with squeezing his soft hand and caressing his rosy cheek.

“You don’t have to let me into your heart if you don’t really want to. I’d accept that,” Kibum says to him, his voice laced with sincerity. “but I just wish you’d talk to me about what’s in your head. I wish you’d share to me even just a little bit of your thoughts. I want to understand you, Taemin. I really do.”

Taemin responds to him by drawing his gaze his gaze away from Kibum and letting out a sniffle, his pearly whites trapping his bottom lip once more. He takes it a sign of reluctance. A soft sigh falls from Kibum’s lips, his thumb continuously stroking the other’s cheek.

“Do you want to know why I stay?”

His question manages to capture the other’s attention, the boy’s gaze returning to him. The edges of Kibum’s mouth tug marginally into a subtle smile. It’s a gentle curve, but it still lightens up his visage.

“Sometimes, I just think that maybe I’m delusional but, I cling to this… thread of hope that I don’t think you’re aware you’re giving me.” His gaze shifts towards his moving thumb, leaving Taemin’s glossy orbs.

“It’s when you let me hold your hand like this,” He gives Taemin’s hand a light squeeze. “and when you allow you me to intertwine my fingers with yours.”

“It’s when you let me kiss you,” Kibum glances at the boy’s thick ruby lips. “and when you kiss me back because I can feel _something_ in the way you respond.”

“It’s when you look at me… with those mesmerizing eyes…” Their gazes meet once again and the enamored smile on Kibum’s mouth slowly extends.  “It’s like they want to tell me something. They’re telling me something… but there’s just so much that your eyes hold and it’s hard figuring out what they’re trying to say.”

“If they don’t mean anything, then please,” The light in Kibum’s visage wanes. “Please tell me now.”

Kibum’s smile falters. Taemin presses his lips together and slightly gulps, his glistening eyes staring directly into Kibum’s own. Beads of tears gather on the boy’s eyes but before he could ask the other, a lone drop rolls down Taemin’s cheek. As his caring thumb glides along the boy’s roseate skin, another tear falls and joins the stream staining the boy’s face.

“Taemin, please,” Kibum’s worry rises. “please say something. Talk to me.”

The silent boy flutters his eyes closed and more tears fall from his eyes. It hurts Kibum. The sight hurts him for he doesn’t have a clue what’s behind Taemin’s tears. He wants to provide him comfort, but he cannot determine which form would work best. While his worry increases, so does his fear. He couldn’t help but think that perhaps the reason behind the tears escaping Taemin’s eyes is that he finds it difficult to reject Kibum. Perhaps his mouth couldn’t bear to utter a simple ‘no’.

Before his thoughts could wander any further, he feels warmth spread on his hand. Taemin has lifted his hand, and it’s now resting atop his own that cradles the side of Taemin’s face. It surprises him, but he then thinks it’s a wordless hint for him to let go. Kibum’s even more surprised when his thoughts were proven incorrect. Taemin’s smaller hand remains on top of his, his thumb running along the skin underneath it. Confusion rules his mind when he sees the boy’s attempt to curl his mouth into a smile only for him to fail.

“I tried— I tried it make it all go away, Kibum but I— I can’t.”

Taemin’s voice is so soft, but all of a sudden, it’s the only sound that Kibum hears. His thumb ceases to move while his mind process Taemin’s words.

“You need to know,” Taemin’s thumb brushes along his skin once more and it sends the rhythm of his heart beat pacing. “You need to know that you’re not delusional, Kibum.”

For the first time ever in Taemin’s presence, words have left Kibum. He tries to construct phrases so he can respond to the boy but Taemin’s words only replays in his mind. A light shade of pink taints Taemin’s already faintly rosy skin and Kibum still dwells in disbelief. He needs to hear Taemin say those words again.

 

 

One sleepless night passes by only for another sleepless night to arrive, and it’s a cycle that Taemin desperately wants to escape.

Days uncountable on fingers have passed already and Taemin still finds himself void of drowsiness while staring at his ceiling during ungodly hours. Ever since he admitted that he does have feelings for the other boy, his thoughts seem to wander a lot especially during the late hours. Kibum’s speechless expression flashes in his mind and it’s something he remembers so vividly, given that it was his first time to ever witness Kibum in such a state.

Kibum wanted to hear him say it one more time, and he granted his request. Not a single word left the other’s lips when Taemin repeated his words which surprised Taemin greatly since he knew the man to have always been the loquacious type. Eager arms just pulled him into a tight embrace and he could still remember how warm Kibum have felt against him. While the other held him so dearly, Taemin didn’t hear a single word from him and somehow, that made him nervous. Kibum squeezing his frame and the man’s long fingers carding through his raven locks made the feeling disappear.

Taemin reveled in the satisfying warmth that emanated from Kibum that he barely cared how long the man held him, but then he released him from his embrace only to ask him if he wants to finish the movie. He agreed to it, as it means a longer time to spend with Kibum. With their hands intertwined, Taemin’s head comfortably rested against Kibum’s shoulder and the other leaned his head against his own while they resumed watching the movie. No words were spoken between them after that, until they had to clean up and Kibum needed to go home.

So many days have passed yet he and Kibum still haven’t had the chance to talk about their mutual feelings. Taemin feels the need to properly talk about it, but Kibum’s sudden hectic schedule thinks otherwise. He only saw Kibum during their short lunch dates, times which Taemin deems untimely to discuss the matters afloat in his thoughts, until they only communicated through a few texts and short calls. The other never failed to greet him good morning through texts and send him words of encouragement a few times throughout the day. Sometimes, they would talk over the phone at night but most of the time, it ends with Kibum snoring on the other line. The man has so much on his plate at the moment. He wants him to focus on them and rest as much as he can. It could wait, Taemin thinks. He could wait.

A text from Kibum saying he just woke up and he’s about to eat is the only text he has received from Kibum for the entire day. It’s been over seven hours since he replied, but he hasn’t received a single response from Kibum. He doesn’t mind, because he believes the man must be busy. At 6:57 pm, a call from Kibum interrupted his movie marathon. Kibum called him to tell him about his now disrupted sleeping pattern and that he’s been slumbering all day, waking up only once to eat. Kibum told him that, as the other said it, his hell days are finally over and asked if Taemin could come over the next day.  Luckily, Taemin is free so he instantly said yes.

He’s sitting on his couch and atop the pillow on his lap is a bag of chips, while he idly watches local television shows.  His gaze lingers on the flat screen but his mind is elsewhere, preoccupied with stitching words he could possibly say to Kibum tomorrow. He decided that he will talk to Kibum tomorrow so now he silently rehearses the things he wishes to tell the other. Abruptly, his busy thoughts take a momentary pause as he solely thinks of Kibum. This is Kibum’s forte. Expressing one’s self has always been difficult for him, but not for the other. It’s one of the many things he admires about him.

His dormant hand reaches for his phone to check the time. It’s 10:23 pm on a Friday night. Leaning his head back on the couch, he wonders what Kibum could be doing at the moment. He thinks that if Kibum were on his place, he wouldn’t even struggle. He takes a deep breath to calm the tense nerves in his system, thoughts of him failing to be articulate surging in his mind. Taemin tells himself that he can do it and assures that though he might not express himself as well as he wishes to, he’d get his point across. He will initiate the conversation. He will manage to lead them towards the course he wishes to take and in whatever way possible, he would lead Kibum to the peak of the conversation—unless he catches his drift earlier than he expected.

The phone on his hand vibrates, catching his attention. It’s a simple message from Kibum reminding him to visit him tomorrow. It brings a bright smile upon his visage as it’s been quite a while since they spent time together, then he quickly taps a reply on his screen. Moments after, Taemin receives a reply that stretches his smile further.

_Can’t wait to see you._

Taemin couldn’t wait either. Just then, a thought surfaces in his mind. Do they really have to wait? A sudden wave of longing fills him and the need to speak to Kibum makes his chest swell. With an evident rush in his movements, he checks the time. It’s only 10:41 pm, he thinks. Before he knows it, he’s hurrying to his room on impulse to retrieve his wallet and house keys then he’s donning a black hoodie as quickly as he can. Taemin doesn’t even take a quick glance of his self at the mirror. It only takes a few minutes until Taemin is heading out the door and eventually leaving his apartment.

Luck seems to favor him tonight. Upon stepping out of the building premises, a cab passes by and he gets a ride at once. It’s a 25-minute ride to Kibum’s apartment. The ride is too long for Taemin’s liking, making sitting still inside the cab become laborious. He fidgets with the fabric of his sweatpants while he erratically taps his feet, his eyes keenly fixated on the road. As they approach their destination, Taemin is already pulling out bills to pay the driver, ensuring that he hands the exact amount to prevent any more delays.

Kibum lives at the seventeenth floor. The elevator is currently at the third floor. While the elevator ascends too slowly for his liking, his yearning to see the boy escalates. Driven by his inexplicable enthusiasm, Taemin presses both the close door button and the floor number simultaneously and holds them steadily. It’s one of those moments that Taemin assures himself that it’s acceptable to be a tad bit selfish because the situation calls for it. He utters an apology under his breath for whoever is waiting to take the elevator.

The metal doors part before Taemin and he dashes out of the elevator in mere seconds. Taking long, hurried strides, his eyes glance at each apartment number in search of Kibum’s door. He catches sight of a familiar number and his feet halts in an instant, a hand of his quick to press on the doorbell. The panting boy stands before Kibum’s door, impatiently rocking on his feet. His gaze roams around the area while he impatiently waits. Taemin realizes that he even forgot to put on sneakers once his gaze meets the floor, the vexing sight drawing a profanity from Taemin.

The impulse that sent him running to Kibum’s apartment dwindles. It signals his thoughts to turn frantic and his heartbeat to pace, yet Taemin remains standing before Kibum’s door. He’s muttering a few lines he weaved in his mind earlier to practice his delivery when the door opens. Kibum wearing a tank top and shorts and his tousled hair is a breathtaking sight to behold.

“Taemin, what are you doing here? It’s like past 11:30.” Taemin sees the apparent surprise on Kibum’s visage, the boy greeting him with a warm smile.

“Um— I— ” The flow of thoughts in his mind and his heartbeat stop. His rehearsal earlier turns futile.

“Uh huh?” Kibum raises his scarred eyebrow inquisitively, his gaze skimming Taemin’s entire figure and chuckling at the sight of him wearing flip-flops.

“Seems like someone was in a hurry.” The boy’s gaze returns on Taemin, looking at the boy with a teasing smile. “Before you tell me what’s up, you should come in and—”

Words crowd Taemin’s throat and he loses his filter, the urge to speak the words greater than the usual need to evaluate all the words he wants to say.

“I want to give this a chance.”

“You what?” Surprise returns onto Kibum’s features, but now it’s paired with a confused frown.

“I want to— I want to give _us_ a chance.”

Kibum’s expression is one he couldn’t read, and it makes his heart pound. The words that parted from his lips replays his head, making his eyes widen in sheer embarrassment and a pink tint to appear on his cheeks once he fully realizes what he has said. He failed to follow his own plan. He messed it all up.

“Fuck— That’s not how I was supposed to say it—”

A pair of arms suddenly pulls him into a tight embrace and he stumbles forward, coiling his own arms around the figure before him reflexively to stabilize himself. The arms surrounding his frame tighten their hold on his frame, the familiar warmth of the other calming his racing heart. Embarrassment warms his cheeks while he mentally scolds himself for impulsively speaking, all his efforts to practice what to say turning into a waste. Things may have strayed from what Taemin hoped, but he smiles as he buries his face against Kibum’s shoulder. He still managed to do a part of his entire plan – to initiate the conversation.

 

 

If he were to paint his days, the dominant color would be bliss. It’s all over the canvas, but it fails to occupy the entirety of it.

Kibum doesn’t know why he keeps count of the days that pass, but he does. It’s been a month and sixteen days. It’s been exactly a month and sixteen days since he and Taemin decided to give their feelings a chance. It’s been exactly a month and sixteen days since they both stood on precarious grounds. They’re officially unofficial, as Kibum phrased it. It was a risk that he didn’t hesitate to take as soon as it crossed Taemin’s mind. He’s too into the boy to let it pass. He put his heart on the line and held onto the ropes of hope that Taemin has been showing to him for some time now, vehemently wishing for the best.

Kibum’s guts are no longer acquainted with the word rest. They’re constantly tied into intricate knots, a state they have adapted since he and Taemin decided to take a step forward together. He can tolerate it, but he does miss only being troubled by his butterflies. Even in bliss, they do not untangle. Nothing has changed with Kibum. He still acts the same way around Taemin, but now he’s usually afraid of committing a mistake. Perhaps it’s why his knots never untangle, he thinks.

It was not a smooth ride, and Kibum expected that. In all honesty, Kibum was grateful for that. He would be lying if he pretended that each obstacle did not intensify his fears. A little rift is more than enough to break them apart after all. Pessimism would cloud Kibum’s mind and his thoughts would always turn chaotic, but then he sees Taemin’s efforts to work things out between the two of them. Taemin does try and it brings Kibum’s heart at ease.

Taemin’s little ways quell the unease and fear in Kibum, but never completely. It’s in those small moments when the now chocolate-haired boy interlaces his short fingers with Kibum’s. It’s in those times when Taemin would reciprocate his embrace. It’s in those instances when he finds Taemin blankly staring at him, entirely lost in his running thoughts while a small smile is etched upon his lips. But then, Taemin is still the first to pull his hand away. The other would sometimes not return his embrace. At times when he catches Taemin drifting off with his thoughts, Taemin would look away from him and his smile dulls.

Kibum tells himself all the time that he’s merely reading into trivial things too much but it’s something he could not simply halt, especially when even the smallest things matter greatly to him. There are only two things that are certain: one, they both have feelings for each other and two, they are both willing to try. The rest is a complete blur, including their future together. Despite this, Kibum remains strong. As long as he sees and feels a ray of hope, Kibum will hold on. He tells himself that he will remain strong.

But then, while Kibum remains strong, so does the wall standing between them. He’s getting closer to the boy, but it doesn’t feel like it. The boy is noticeably more comfortable around him now, but still, Kibum asks for more. He couldn’t help it. Taemin’s heart seems to remain enclosed within a case and Kibum can only dream of shattering it.  As disheartening as it may sound, it’s the farthest that he can go. Everything still lies on Taemin’s hands, but this does not discourage him from translating his feelings into actions. Kibum will do whatever he can.

So when he lays himself down on the bed, his heart emulates the soft mattress; it sinks. He longs for another kind of proximity. The sight of Taemin discarding his navy blue shirt and the rest of his clothing pacifies a few of Kibum’s carnal flames, but he does not extinguish the fire surrounding them. He proves that by reaching for Taemin’s visage to join their mouths in an amorous kiss, the boy responding to him instantaneously. The kiss flares Kibum’s flames, even the ones previously tamed.

Their mouths mold in a lustful tango for only a short while. Taemin abandons his mouth to cover his jawline with ardent kisses, the boy’s mouth travelling down the column of his throat. He cranes his neck to the side once Taemin’s wet mouth finds the slope of his neck and Kibum’s wandering hand settles on the boy’s nape, encouraging him to bruise his unmarred skin. Without hesitation, Kibum hands the control to the boy, allowing himself to submit to the other’s ministrations and the pace he desires.

Daring is what Taemin is. Kibum lets him have his way and allows the inexperienced boy to explore his entirety. A delicious burn is left wherever Taemin touches him, the boy’s sinful mouth tasting his denuded skin while his hands roam the areas his mouth has yet to reach. Kibum allows the boy atop him to familiarize himself with every part of his body as he pleases, his arms holding Taemin’s figure in a desirous embrace. Amidst the salacious kisses and fiery touches, Kibum’s mind still manages to drift elsewhere. He wonders if their progressively blazing intimacy means to Taemin just as much as it means to him.

Wanton sounds escape Kibum’s parted mouth and he is nowhere near abashed. He wants Taemin to know that he’s pleasing him. He wants the boy to know when his experimental nips and sucks send sparks of pleasure to him and which areas his slick tongue met derive a moan from his roseate lips. Kibum wants him to learn how to touch him. He wants the boy to be aware that the smallest of his actions stimulate his desire. But more than those things, he wishes that the boy would remember that Kibum is all the attractive plains whose entirety is all for Taemin to behold and feel.

Taemin arrives at the juncture of his thighs, his dainty fingers grasping Kibum’s engorged shaft. The boy strokes his thick erection with uncertainty, but as Kibum becomes even more vocal, he notices how Taemin’s confidence escalates with every glide of his fist along his length. Unexpectedly, his blunt tip meets the flat surface of Taemin’s tongue and he catches his bottom lip between his rows of teeth in surprise, stifling a low moan. Kibum doesn’t protest when Taemin feeds his curiosity, an eager mouth soon surrounding his blushing bulb. His long fingers reach for the boy’s soft chocolate locks, his tight grip drawing a groan from the boy.

Kibum suppresses the urge to demandingly push Taemin’s head down to take more of his throbbing length into his wet mouth and reminds himself of Taemin’s inexperience in fellatio. He holds onto his self-control and unconsciously tightens his grip on the other’s tousled locks, making the boy below him release a muffled whine. It alerts Kibum and quickly, he releases the dark brown strands from his grip, his fingertips massaging Taemin’s scalp as his silent apology. Not long after, Taemin’s full lips are sinking lower onto Kibum’s shaft, engulfing as much as he can within his cavern, and Kibum moans in pleasure.

He does want to fully indulge in lust together with Taemin, but he still could not. Kibum does bask in the pleasure, but while he watches the erotic sight of Taemin stretching himself as he liberally lubricates his erect shaft, his thoughts still swing back to the meaning of their intimacy. Questions stay in his mind. Is Taemin merely satiating his sexual curiosity? Is he taking a step further? Is he thinking too much like he knows he always does?

Lust drives Taemin forward yet Kibum remains to be a few steps behind. Taemin deposits feverish kisses on his broad chest, the thick lips worshipping his skin journeying north. The hot kisses climb up the curve of his neck and eventually reach his jawline. The boy rests his forehead against his own briefly, reuniting their mouths in a quick yet needy kiss. Their gazes connect once more and he sees it. Kibum sees the raw need in the other’s orbs. The hazy pair entices him, even more so when Taemin speaks.

“Kibum, please.” His voice is a low whisper thickly coated with desire, equating the look in his eyes. “I want you. Let me have you.”

He cradles Taemin’s warm cheeks, pressing his mouth briefly against the boy’s thicker ones. _You already have me, Taemin._ “Take what you need, baby.”

He intently watches Taemin sit up, his short hasty fingers diving to firmly grasp Kibum’s thick shaft. Taemin is boldly eager and impatient. He slowly lowers himself onto Kibum’s erection, Kibum’s vision fixating on the boy’s visage. When the boy furrows his eyebrows and simultaneously gapes as Kibum’s girth stretches him further, Kibum becomes breathless and all thoughts leave his mind except for one; he will escort Taemin to bliss. For now, nothing else matters but the proximity of their bodies and their pleasure, most especially Taemin’s. Just for now, nothing else matters.

The moaning boy above him rolls his hips in his own steady rhythm. Besides the velvety walls surrounding his thick length with lewd heat, Kibum relishes in many things. He finds pleasure in mapping Taemin’s skin with his mouth and hands. With every drag of his wet tongue, every wet kiss, and every eager bite and suck, he memorizes the other’s salty taste. With his palms, he appreciates how Taemin’s torso narrows down to his waist and how his spine curves down. He revels in the soft curve of the boy’s perky buttocks and how Taemin releases a low moan when he kneads his rounded flesh.

His hand settles on Taemin’s hips as he slightly angles his hips better and suddenly, the brown-haired boy’s back curves in a graceful arch, a loud moan falling from his mouth. It’s a breathtaking sight for Kibum, and he craves to see that sight once more and hear the dulcet sound of Taemin’s pleasured moan. He leans back, using a hand as leverage while the other remains on the boy’s hip, and he thrusts deeply into Taemin. A profanity sharply parts Kibum’s lips as he derives the wanted reaction from Taemin but now it’s even better, the boy moaning louder this time.

They move in unison, the friction their heated skins produce heightening the flames blanketing their connected bodies. He watches the other lose himself in the escalating pleasure, their moans and groans filling the room in perfect harmony. Taemin voices out between wanton moans that he’s nearing his limit and Kibum heeds his words, his idle hand curling around the keening boy’s neglected length to stroke him at a quick pace. It takes a few more hard thrusts and eager strokes for Taemin to finally reach the peak of his pleasure, the loud moan leaving the boy’s lips taking the form of Kibum’s name. Kibum follows seconds after and approaches his limit, moaning Taemin’s name once his orgasm hits him.

From the moment Taemin unraveled before him until he reached ecstasy, his eyes never left Taemin. He wants every moment to be engraved in his mind. He wants to remember it all.

There is no need for Kibum to check the time to know that it's already morning. As he sees his naked torso and the blanket concealing his lower half, memories of last night's passion enter his thoughts. He wants to smile and revel in the flashbacks, but it’s difficult. Unwelcomed, the thoughts he dispelled during the amorous night finally return to him. Kibum shifts to lie on his side and his gaze lands on the sleeping boy next to him. The serene expression etched on Taemin's visage coaxes an affectionate smile to appear on Kibum's mouth.

He brings his hand near Taemin's cheek, the back of his long fingers lightly caressing the other's smooth skin while admiring his comely features. The smile on Kibum's mouth gradually turns insipid once the words he wished to say last night resonate within his mind, loud and daunting. He retracts his hand and scoots closer to Taemin's frame instead, draping his arm over the other's waist. With Taemin's face so close to his, Kibum momentarily forgets how to breathe.

"Last night was amazing," Kibum muses in a soft whisper, careful not to disturb the boy and wake him up.

Kibum’s gentle fingers trace the slumbering boy’s jawline, his gaze following the said path. “You’re so bare underneath the blankets…”

Taemin stirs in his sleep and it surprises him. Kibum withdraw his touch from the boy’s face, settling his palm flatly against the pillow beneath his head while he silently watches the boy turn to the other side. He doesn’t want to wake him up. His gaze follows the blanket as it slides from his shoulders and falls onto the boy’s middle, baring the boy’s back. Like him, the other remains unclothed.

A soft sigh slips through Kibum’s lips. “Meanwhile your heart still wears more layers than you yourself would ever wear.”

Kibum returns the crown to the silence of the morning, deriving all the comfort that he could from it. The idea of scooting closer to the boy’s frame and pulling him against his chest surfaces, but he decides against it. The expanse of his Taemin’s nude back is the last thing he sees before he flutters his eyes closed, resuming his interrupted slumber.

  

  

There is no doubt about it. Taemin has to be one of the biggest, if not the biggest, coward that exists in this lifetime.

Taemin throws his soft pillow across the room in frustration. He watches it land onto the floor, an evident frown drawing on his face. A loud puff of air parts from his lips before his frame plops down onto the bed, his limbs sprawling on the mattress. With his eyebrows still furrowed, he sets his haze on the ceiling. The plain cream ceiling does a poor job in entertaining him, or at least distracting him, so he rolls onto his stomach to press his face against the mattress.

Yet again, Taemin is running away. Right now, he's risking all their efforts—all his efforts—to make things work between him and Kibum work. He doesn’t exactly know what he’s doing. He doesn’t know if what he’s doing is right. All he knows is that something always pulls him back. Something always stalls him from taking another step forward and this repetitive push and pull just can’t go any further. Kibum deserves more than fickle decisions and unsure actions.

His brilliant idea is to distance himself from Kibum. He declines all of Kibum's invitations to meet, even going to the extent of lying that’s he’s staying over at a cousin's house just so Kibum couldn't visit him in his apartment. Taemin still talks to him, their mode of communication only being messages and calls. Taemin tells the other that he's quite the busy bee these days, his schedule barely permitting him to rest, and Kibum just accepts the obvious alibi. He couldn't figure out if Kibum could see through his lie or if he genuinely believes him. What’s important now is that he can have more time for himself, and hopefully, more time to actually set his mind and heart on what he wants.

A day and a half after executing his seemingly brilliant idea, guilt already crawled up on his system. Two more days pass and he’s completely drowned by it. It’s ridiculous how he believed at some point that it would be the best decision to make. Being left alone with his thoughts is a horrible idea, but Taemin stands by his decision and he doesn’t take it back. He just hopes something good will come out of it.

Kibum’s heart is too kind. That, or Kibum is too blinded by his feelings, he thinks. He knows he’s been nothing but difficult, and he truly admires the boy for staying by his side. Taemin is filled with only good words for the boy, and his heart swells with only good feelings for the boy yet he still couldn’t properly put a name to these feelings. It was his idea that they both try to make it work and though everything is great between them, the path they’re on is aimless. For this, he takes the blame fully.

So many things occupy Taemin’s heart that he wonders if there’s even room for something—more like, someone—new within it. How does he let go everything that dwells in his heart? How does he drive the shadows that loom over him away? It’s been so long yet everything feels like yesterday, a yesterday so vivid and clear. He continuously thinks of things, memories and feelings alike that he harbors within him. To think relentlessly is turning into a new hobby. His mind really deserves a break.

None of his breaks could be considered as breaks. He brought himself to new places and explored a couple of new cities all by himself with great hopes of distracting him from his thoughts along the way. He knows it’s not what he initially planned. What he’s supposed to do while distancing himself from Kibum is to reach a decision and settle where he truly wants to be with Kibum. He hasn’t forgotten that at all, but he decides that he needs a clear mind and a rejuvenated self before he could finally decide.

Things didn’t go according to plan. All throughout his spontaneous adventures, the other never left his thoughts. A part of him seeks for the said boy. A part of him consistently tells him that every new experience is better with Kibum around him and that irks him completely. It irks him because having Kibum in his mind is the last thing he wanted while he delights himself in discovering new things. It irks him even more because though he physically distanced himself from Kibum, his mind just couldn't do the same.

When he entered a coffee place he's never visited before, he wanted to relax. He longed to rest his mind. But here he is, sitting comfortably and sipping on his cold blended drink, wondering what Kibum would possibly order if he were here with him. He finds the place beautiful. Its ambiance is similar to home and it captivates him. While eating his huge donut and finishing his blended coffee, he only thinks of Kibum and if he would fall in love with the place just like how easily he did.

As he takes a stroll during a Saturday morning, he admires the beauty of the city and the breathtaking sun rays from the morning sun. He watches as the languid roads eventually turn into a bustling place. He watches various cars pass by him and observes the rushing people who walk past him, a good few of them bumping into him and leaving without uttering an apology. He aimlessly walks, his bright eyes familiarizing himself with the roads and establishments while his mind tries to grasp just how breathtaking Kibum looks like whenever the bright rays of the sun hit his face.

He stumbles upon a small art gallery celebrating its second anniversary, the huge tarpaulin that reads free admission instantly attracting him to go in. Though he revels on artworks that are truly promising, his gaze would always stray towards the people inside the museum, especially those that wander in pairs. He couldn’t help himself from taking glimpses of them, the sight making his hands feel so empty while tucked inside the pockets of his white cardigan. The highlight of his visit is seeing an empty frame glorified under a bright spotlight. It has a caption that tells its viewers to envision whatever image they want within the carved frame. He finds himself envisioning Kibum’s smiling face and he lets the image stay. Truly, his smile deserves be framed and admired in a museum.

He visits a library that’s gaining fame on the internet and he wonders if Kibum thinks the place lived up to the hype.  He almost loses his smartphone in an Italian restaurant and as he hurriedly heads back to the said place, he can only think of how Kibum would be nagging and scolding him about frequently losing his things. He orders a plate of poutine in a fast-food place since he’s never tasted one in his entire life and he wants to ask the other if he’s the same. He thinks of feeding the other boy, thoughts of him smearing the sauce all over the older’s mouth making him chuckle. He steps on a puddle during a rainy day and he remembers how Kibum pushed him towards one, the memory of him falling onto the puddle and the other apologizing so much bringing a smile onto his mouth.

He no longer counts how many days he’s been apart from Kibum. He’s afraid to know how many days it has exactly been. They both talk less frequently now. It’s his fault anyway, he thinks. He has to play the part he chose to portray and ignore his longing for the other man. Now that he’s back in his apartment, a part of him wishes that Kibum would just march towards his doorstep because he still doesn’t have enough courage to do the same thing again. Another part of him hopes that Kibum will not, because he wouldn’t know what to say to him. Words will leave his mouth and he wouldn’t know how to collect them back.

When the night ripens and he begins to slip into slumber, vivid images of Kibum’s lovely face would appear behind his lids. The settling cold would have Taemin longing for warmth and his mind drifts to Kibum, recalling the way he presses his broad chest and slides his arm around his slim waist. He misses the other’s visits to his apartment, both planned and unannounced. He even misses staying over Kibum’s apartment, that one soft pillow he always finds on Kibum's couch which he loves taking into his arms crossing his mind. He misses a lot of things but ultimately, he misses Kibum.

Amidst all the times he thinks of Kibum, the things troubling his heart manage to slip through. The shackles on his feet and the chains pull him back. So many words are trapped in his throat and so many stories are yet to be told. He finds it difficult to fight. He always tells himself that he’s too weak to be the victor of this fight.

But on this night, things are different. As his eyes adjust to the darkness that recently settled in his room, he recalls why he wanted to give them a chance in the first place. He gathers all his reasons for trying to work things out with Kibum. He thinks of all the things about him that keeps him drawn to him. And before he drifts off to sleep, he tells himself that he’s already lost so much time.

 

 

Impulse is not what drove him here. This time, he actually thought about it. He called Kibum first thing in the morning to ask if he’s free tonight and it seems that luck is on his side. Despite the loud pounding in his chest, Taemin is ready. It took him some time to muster his courage, but he did it and now he’s here. This pleasant Saturday afternoon will not end with himself filled with regrets.

Taemin stands at the lowest tier of the stairs leading to the entrance, his head tilting upwards as his gaze runs along the towering height of the apartment building. His heart hammers violently within his chest and he takes a deep breath to calm his heart. It’s time to leave his cowardly self behind, he tells himself with an amount of conviction he didn’t think he had. His gaze falls onto the screen of his phone, his thumb tapping on the screen as he dials Kibum’s number. 

Kibum watches a drama series on his television screen while he lounges on his couch, tossing his smartphone idly on the palm of his hand. A light sigh passes through his lips when he glances at his wall clock and he leans his head back against his couch. He’s supposed to meet Taemin thirty minutes ago but the boy still hasn’t called him yet. He’s wondering where the boy could be but his phone ringing on his hand distracts him from his thought, the bright screen flashing Taemin’s name. Hurriedly, he takes the call.

“Hello?”

“Sorry for making you wait. I’m here.”

“It’s fine. I’ll meet you at the entrance in a few minutes, okay?”

Before Taemin could even respond, Kibum ends the call. His heart is racing faster now and the things he longs to say to Kibum swirl in his mind. Backing out is not an option, and he will not make it one, but he couldn’t bear standing at the entrance while waiting for Kibum. With his knees starting to weaken and quiver, the stairs leading to the road seems like the answer to his problem. In a few strides, he stands at the highest tier of the stairs and he settles on the marble step, sitting down while facing the road.

Every second that passes feels much longer than it should be. Cars and people have passed by before his eyes, his surroundings being the only source of entertainment and comfort for his thumping heart. He taps his foot against the marble surface in erratic patterns while his hand idly toys with his phone. The time reads 6:17 pm on the screen. He doesn’t know how many minutes passed already but Kibum still hasn’t come down. It’s not that he’s growing impatient. He was late after all so he doesn’t have the right to be. It’s just that he wishes he could appease the jitters prancing all over him and his eagerness to see him as soon as possible.

Kibum rushes out of the elevator and hurriedly strides across the lobby, excited to see the boy. As he approaches the transparent glass doors, he notices a familiar figure sitting by the stairs. The sight of Taemin waiting for him makes him smile instantaneously and his gaze lingers on the younger’s back for a moment. He misses him greatly. It’s been a long while since he wanted to see the other, but he knows he couldn’t just knock on his door.  Moments pass before he walks towards the familiar figure then he sits next to the waiting boy, tapping his shoulder lightly to catch his attention. Taemin quickly turns to him.

“Oh hey.” Taemin flashes a smile at the other.

“I haven’t seen you in a long while. You look well.” Kibum says. “How’s work?”

The smile on Taemin’s face wavers at the question and Kibum is quick to observe it. The younger momentarily shifts his gaze away from the other’s questioning gaze, gathering all the courage he brought with him today before facing Kibum once again. A beautiful smile adorns Kibum’s face and he had to tell himself to focus. It’s been a while since he saw that smile in person, but it’s not the right moment to stare.

“About that…” Taemin releases a deep breath. “I wasn’t really–”

“You weren’t really busy. You were avoiding me, weren’t you?”

Kibum only grins after his quip as surprise dawns on Taemin. The younger sinks his teeth on his bottom lip, guilt beginning to surface in his chest once again, but he doesn’t succumb to it. Instead, he looks at Kibum with an apologetic smile and he nods.

“So… Are you here to turn me down for real then?”

The sparkle in Kibum’s eyes dulls and so does his grin, but he remains smiling at the younger anyway. But when Taemin shakes his head, his smile vanishes entirely and confusion replaces his dull look. Taemin sees a spark of hope return in Kibum’s eyes and he wills to rouse it even more.

“I— I’ve been really unfair to you and you didn’t deserve that. I thought distancing myself away from you would really help me think and stuff so— so I’m sorry for lying to you about being busy.”

“It’s okay.” Kibum says. “It’s okay. I understand.”

“I did a lot of thinking and— and before, I felt confused and scared.”

The older only nods at Taemin, urging him to continue. Kibum can tell that he’s extremely nervous, the way his short fingers fidget against the outer seam of his pants a telltale of it. He doesn’t rush the boy. He only waits.

“I’m not confused anymore. I know what I feel for you and I’m certain about it… but I’m still scared.”

Taemin takes a pause to take a deep breath. The hammering within his chest isn’t stopping and it’s as if he could already hear it. Kibum grasps his idle hand and gives his hand an encouraging squeeze, wanting to hear the rest of what he has to say.

“I can’t help it. It’s— It’s hard for me not to be scared.”

Questions instantly emerge in Kibum’s thoughts. He wonders what could be the reason behind those words. He yearns to know why his walls are this high. Taemin can tell that he wants to raise questions, the urge to do so apparent in his eyes, but that look does not linger. It’s silence that drips from Kibum’s mouth and Taemin is more than just relieved. He’s thankful because Kibum is giving him time. 

“But I don’t want to keep being scared, especially when there’s someone like you.”

Kibum is at a loss for words. The words he just heard made his heart pace and though he parts his mouth to speak, he doesn’t know what to say. Taemin silently utters a prayer to the heavens that his words won’t stumble on his tongue.

“I’m sorry for all the things I put you through and I hope you can forgive me because… I want to give you my heart, Kibum. I want to let you into my heart, and I want you to stay.”

Kibum has no idea when he started holding his breath but he did. He fails to recall when tears began to gather on his eyes but they did. As he breathes out slowly, a fresh tear streams down his cheek. Taemin reaches for Kibum’s face, his soft hand cupping the other’s cheek as his gentle thumb wipes the lone tear away. Taemin’s previous words resound in Kibum’s ears. Like a broken record, the words replays in his mind. He swears he’s never heard anything as beautiful as this.

Taemin saw tears gather on Kibum’s eyes and it made Taemin worry. His worry rose when a lone tear falls down Kibum’s cheek, uncertain about what might have caused it. Perhaps it was something that he said or he might have been already too late, but the way Kibum smiles as he wipes his tear away and the way he leans into his touch puts all of his worries to rest. Taemin couldn’t remember the last time his heart felt this light.

With their hearts now sharing the same rhythm, their surroundings are forgotten. Street noises turn into distant sounds. Their chests swell with so much bliss and affection fills the gaze they share. The lights from street lamps caress their features in a way both of them find breathtaking and it intensifies the shine dwelling in their eyes. It’s an identical shine, a shine that welcomes a new beginning for the both of them. It’s a shine that anticipates tomorrow and the days after that. Their smiles remain and their mouths stay stationary. They both know words are not needed in a moment like this.

A car’s horn blares across the streets, the loud noise startling them both especially Kibum. While the older brings his hand to his chest and takes deep breaths to recover, Taemin falls into a fit of laughter. His laughter doesn’t last long, his previous smile returning to his mouth a few moments after. Though Taemin’s laughter sounds pleasant to his ears, Kibum still rolls his eyes at him. But then, he takes the younger’s hand resting on his thigh once he stands up. He holds the other’s smaller hand firmly as he began to descend the stairs, leaving Taemin no choice but to follow along.

“Wait,” Taemin says. “where are we going?”

“I actually need to go grocery shopping today or else I’m going to starve.”

Kibum is a few steps ahead while they walk along the sidewalk, leaving Taemin trailing behind him. The younger frowns a tad bit in confusion, but Kibum just pulls him along.

“Then why are you dragging me?” Taemin attempts to tug his hand away, but Kibum tightens his grip.

“Well,” Kibum stops and turns to face Taemin, a soft smile that Taemin finds so lovely present on his features. “Like I said, I’m going grocery shopping.”

“I get that part,” Taemin halts his steps once Kibum does and he pulls his hand back once the other releases it. “but I don’t understand why you have to drag me.”

“I’m going grocery shopping and uh...”

“And?”

Kibum smiles at him. “I want to take my boyfriend with me.”

“ _Boyfriend_?”  Taemin repeats the word so quickly in utter surprise, warmth beginning to spread across his cheeks.

“Yes, boyfriend.” He nods affirmatively, his smile turning into one of the brightest grin Taemin has ever seen.

The warmth settling on Taemin’s cheeks intensifies and he couldn’t help but looking away from Kibum. He thanks the night aplenty, relieved that the darkness conceals the possibly visible scarlet shade tainting his entire face at the moment. Kibum only tilts his head, his grin unwavering while he revels in the younger’s reaction. He certainly developed a penchant for making the boy blush but sadly, their surroundings aren’t illuminated enough to let him see his reddened cheeks.

“Let’s go?” Kibum holds out his hand towards Taemin

As he advances forward, Taemin releases a deep breath. There’s a little smile appearing on his lips while he reaches for the older’s hand, intertwining their fingers together. His gaze lingers on their entwined hands for a moment before he lifts his gaze up. Kibum feels his heart miss a beat when their gazes connect.

“Okay,” Taemin’s smile widens. “let’s go, boyfriend.”

 


End file.
